Man Flu

ATTENTION READERS,

URGENT HEALTH WARNING ANNOUNCEMENT

We’ve just received grim news that a severe case of man flu is ripping through the UK’s male population at a ferocious rate. You can look forward to a cough like a sledgehammer to the chest, a sore throat that all the Lemsip in the world can’t soothe and a red nose to put Rudolph’s to shame. Lad’s we’re dropping like flies, turning into groaning, mucus infused, snot expelling zombies. There’s no doubt about it - this strain's a killer and it’s taking down even the hardiest of us.

Though Manflu’s existence has been the subject of much controversy between the sexes for years, my personal encounter with the viral bastard in December has me saying it most certainly does! But don’t just take my word for it, our good friend Science has the backs of men everywhere saying we genuinely suffer more seriously when ill and for longer.

Dr Olivier Restif, from the University of Cambridge commented to the Telegraph "Our results show that, under a range of genetic and ecological constraints, males and females can evolve different levels of immune defences, sometimes at odds with intuitive expectations." (Full article here: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/7505207/Man-flu-is-no-myth-as-scientists-prove-men-suffer-more-from-disease.html)

The theory is that as blokes we’ve a penchant for adventurous lifestyles and retain a “live fast die young” mentality. Evolutionarily speaking, we put ourselves more frequently into situations where there’s a high risk of exposure to infection. So whereas females try to clear a cold as quickly as possible, men's bodies don’t really see the point since we’re probably get re-infected anyway and instead prioritise that we remain sexually active…which sounds about right.

There you have it - we’re just too manly for our own good and invest less in immunity since sex is more important to us than getting better. Scientific proof that Manflu exists! But the worst part of all this? We’re not even getting the treatment we so justly deserve. We still trudge into work to make ends meet and our lady loves refuse to accept just how sick we really are (damn this macho exterior of ours). Throw in the dreaded Norovirus that had an estimated 100,000 of us exploding at both ends and this winter looks pretty bleak. But fear not! Avant-Garde is at hand:

- Prevention is half the battle! Dose up on your Vitamin C – not just a healthy breakfast alternative but apparently the pulp of an orange is rich in phytonutrients which can reduce the duration of flu symptoms up to 8%

- Anti-bacterial hand gel - yeah you might look like a bit of a pedantic loon but a small bottle of alcohol gel might make the difference between staying fighting fight or becoming bed ridden. Think about how often you touch public surfaces on your way to work, (on the train, handrails on escalators, doors in the office). You touch your face on an average of 3000 times a day…not looking so silly now are we?

- Quarantine - Ne’er do well coughed the other day, so Dandy and I rugby tackled him and locked him out of the office. He’s exiled until he gets better.

Despite all preventive measures the odds are stacked against us so if you start sneezing call in sick right away - Don't be a hero! This way you’re being responsible and can ensure you won’t be the one to pass on the virus to everyone else.

Ladies, look after your man. Though you may think all he has is a sniffle in actuality it’s something much much more serious. We’re victims of our own die hard behaviour that you love so much combined with hundreds of years of evolutional immunity (or lack therof). So since we’re at deaths door we'll need lots of sympathy and care, plenty of "Ok you just get lots of rest", chicken soup once we’re on our road to recovery….and maybe a nurses outfit.

Now don comfy loungewear, put on your favourite boxset, take copious amounts of flu remedies and ride it out. Good luck – we hope you survive.

Angelic Rogue
Images from Google Images. All image rights to their respective owners.